Sara, Montréal QC (1/4)
"I recently realized that I never truly defined the relationship I had with motherhood. My daughter is five months old and I was too much in the day-to-day experience to even think about it. So like any good scholar, I had to read a lot to be able to grasp this new reality. I read The Argonauts, by Maggie Nelson, and Les Tranchées, by Fanny Britt. They're fucking amazing. I also read Rachel Cusk, who is sometimes put in the 'dark mothers' category, like Sylvia Plath. I didn’t find her dark. I found her realistic. I connected a lot with what she wrote, especially the parts about the delivery. Like her, I had a C-section. She says something like, 'I got out of the recovery room and the nurse asked if I wanted to breastfeed. I looked at her as if she had just demanded I make her some tea.' It seemed totally ludicrous. In my head, I still belonged to a world in which, when you had your belly cut opened minutes ago, people pity you and take care of you. Not the other way around. But when you become a mother, you're suddenly shoved into another world. A world in which you’re the one who has to give and to care. It’s brutal. I was like, ‘I’m so high right now, you can’t possibly ask me to nurse a newborn. Something must exist to spare me this.’ But no. You’re right in it. Right away."