Faces of Postpartum
Faces of Postpartum
_DSC4150.jpg
 
 

Janine, Chester MD (3/4)

“Two days before his due date, I noticed I hadn’t really felt him move, which was weird. But I paid attention the next day, I think I felt him move some, and I used the heart scope on my phone. I didn’t want to bother them at the hospital again. I also think there’s a part of me that thought, ‘Everything has been so perfect, there’s no way, after what we went through the first time, that anything could go wrong.’ So we got to the hospital the next day and they started to hook me up with the heart monitor. The nurses couldn’t find a heartbeat so they asked the on-call doctor to do a sonogram. At that point I’m obviously thinking about the past week, but again, there’s no way... The doctor came in and she did the sonogram. She found the heart. And it wasn’t beating. She turned to me and asked, ‘Do you know what this means?’ I said ‘I think so...’ But we were just in shock. Immediately the nurses grabbed me. I don’t even think I initially cried. It only started to sink in when I realized they weren’t rushing me to deliver. Not even an emergency C-section. I knew that it was done, that it was too late. And then my parents walked in the room. They had no idea and they were all smiles and excited. We had to tell them. From then, we had to wait for a long time. Even though I was scheduled, they didn’t want me in the delivery room where other moms were because then, well, I’d have to hear other babies being born. So I sat there for hours. Waiting. That part was really hard. I knew he was there and he wasn’t alive. It was really uncomfortable. They finally did a normal C-section. I was awake and the doctor handed him to us. And he was… perfect. Perfect, but not alive.”