Alex, Montréal QC (1/4)
"After my first son was born, I had very bad postpartum depression. We had waited for him for two years before he came into our lives and I had time to build up a lot of expectations about motherhood. I thought I’d be relaxed and in control… It didn’t happen that way. I had a birth on 'mute.' They cranked the epidural so high that I couldn’t feel a thing. Then we came back home and breastfeeding didn’t really work. I was anxious and worried, and I thought that being a mother was just supposed to be like that. That it was normal to languish in front of your baby, to the point of not being able to be alone with him for more than a few hours at a time, to have dark ideas, and the firm belief that you will harm your baby. And that it was all due to the lack of sleep. What’s terrible is that I only realized something was wrong towards his first birthday, because my body completely shut down for 48 hours. And when I tried to get help, the medical staff told me to take time for myself and to exercise more, like Zumba... Ha! Two weeks later, I learned I was pregnant with my second son."